There is nothing like hearing a baby cry that makes a momma want to bulldoze everything in her path to get to and help her baby before her heart breaks in pieces. Its in our nature to be unnerved when we hear babies cry, whether she belongs to us or someone else. We're that way because as women we are nurturers. We are comforters. We are peacemakers. I remember the first time we heard our first baby cry. Every hour the first night. We were so sleep deprived and I was exhausted from labor. I thought it was a cat in the room. "mmmrrrraaaaawwwwaaa" I don't think I could mimic the sound, but our little newborn sounded just like a cat in distress! And what a wonderful feeling I had when I picked him up and spoke softly, "Mommy's here. Its okay." And he was quiet in an instant. He knew my voice from being with me from the inside for 9 months. He trusted me. And I discovered what a wonderful gift I had in breasts that nourish, sooth, and comfort a baby! Nothing can describe the feeling of knowing I could bring instant calmness by cuddling him to my chest and offering what naturally flowed out of me.
But as he grew, the times he cried and wouldn't be comforted. Oh I almost came unglued every time. "He's crying! He's going to die! He's going to go to a therapist when he's 20 and tell her his mother made him feel abandoned!" The times where he was done nursing and didn't want to latch back on. And then he wouldn't go to sleep. And his diaper change didn't change his demeanor. And he wasn't in pain as far as I knew. "What's wrong baby? What am I doing wrong?" By baby number 3, I realized I really wasn't doing anything wrong. If you are listening and responding to your baby's needs (even though you don't get it right every time), there is no way you can be doing wrong. I think babies cry to communicate their needs. And I also think babies just cry. Some more than others. And as a mother, I needed to evaluate the reason he was crying and respond accordingly. But, not be so fearful of a crying baby! And not freak out and think that his crying was a reflection or judgement on my ability to be a mother. Bam. How many of us think that?
Please note: I understand there are situations where fussy babies have long periods of crying because of physical issues such as reflux, colic, etc. That cry is definitely distinct and you can tell the baby is in pain. Those are definitely problems that need to be address by a professional.
:) Some of us talk a lot, and some of us talk a little... Maybe the same is true of a crying baby! I do think its sad, though, that so many mothers in the western world are told to restrain their natural response to a cry so that they won't "spoil" their baby. Not knowing how to help soothe him isn't going to ruin him for life, but he's surely not trying to pull a power struggle either! The idea that a baby cries to manipulate its parents is not so prevalent in other parts of the world, so I've discovered while mothering in Israel where dozens of strangers will gladly tell you how to best respond to your crying baby. ;)
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your insight. it is definitely an art to learn how to respond to a baby's cry each time(and not freak out because of the hormonal response it produces!).
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