April 23, 2010, 11:34AM
8lbs, 2oz, 21 inches long
Due date had arrived and no sign of baby. I was fine with it, considering I'd come down with a cold earlier in the week and hadn't been sleeping much. I knew I needed my rest and to be well before the strenuous event of birth and beginning life with a newborn again. Plus, I've never wanted to have a baby early, I want them to be completely formed and ready. Although this time I had grown increasingly uncomfortable over the last few weeks.
I decided to take the kids to pick strawberries in the morning with some friends. I thought I should take the opportunity while I had the chance, big belly and all! The berries were beautiful and huge and it only took a short time. The remainder of the day I tried resting as much as one can with two energetic boys, but never got a nap. I had decided that I would go to bed really early that night to try to get a full night's sleep. After one night of awesome sleep, I thought, I'll feel ready to have this baby.
About 9pm, I took a Tylenol PM to ensure I could get a full night's rest and not be disturbed by the cold or anything else. I lied down to go to sleep. I slept hard for about an hour, and woke at 10:30 to my husband wanting to know if I had given my older son his antibiotic that night (he was being treated for strep throat). At first, I saw two of him, then I slowly figured out there was only one husband standing there. Finally realizing what question he was asking me, I answered it, and then told him I was angry he woke me up to ask me that. I got up to go to the bathroom and my body started cleaning out. "Uh oh," I thought, but decide to put it out of my mind and go lie down.
Lying in bed, now I can no longer breathe through my nose. I get up to go in the living room and remind my husband just in case he forgot that I was ticked he woke me up for that, even though it was important. I lie back down, another diarrhea cramp. Back to the bathroom. And from then on it was lie down, try to breathe, feel settled, have a light contraction, back up to the bathroom. After about an hour of this I realized labor may not be far off. I keep trying to put it out of my mind because I know I need sleep either way. Still, sleep wouldn't come. More diarrhea, and a couple light contractions. My husband came to bed and rubbed my shoulders and prayed over me, I thought about trying to sleep right there up against him. I'm staying hydrated and drinking a lot of water. I got relaxed, but then lied down and couldn't breathe out of my nose. Not even propped on a pillow.
Around 2am, as I'm lying in bed, I feel the baby shift and drop into position as a contraction comes on. It jars me and I'm vocalizing at this point because it was so strong, I had to get out of bed and stand to get through it. His head dropped so low, it felt as if he would come right out! From then on, the contractions significantly increased in strength. They were far apart - 10-15 minutes. Not very consistent, but with each I had to stand up, put my hands on the door frame and lean into them. I thought to myself , "These feel too strong to be early labor." And I'm also thinking, "I am running on 1 hour of sleep, a cold, and Tylenol PM - this is crazy timing!"
About 3am, I decide to call the midwife and see if she had any suggestions for relaxing and actually getting a little sleep. At this point I'm jittery and shivering between contractions. After getting off the phone with her, I decide to drink a tiny bit of wine in hopes it will help me relax enough to get a little nap. After the wine, I lie down, feeling relaxed and no longer jittery, but frustrated with not being able to breathe through my nose still! I try just breathing through my mouth, staying relaxed, and of course...on comes another contraction and its up off the bed again. And more diarrhea. I'm letting my husband sleep knowing he needs it, so this part is tough for me because I feel so alone in the dark of the night. Still trying to sleep, but no success.
Contractions settle into about 10 minutes apart and are increasing in strength. I am able to lay down and rest in between, wanting to at least doze but not quite able to make it to sleep. But just resting feels good. My husband decides to call the midwife back about 5am and update her. She lives right in the neighborhood so we thought she could come check me out and then go back home if need be. I'm shaking again between contractions, and she encourages me to eat something (which I feared doing for the chance of more diarrhea, but decided to take her advice). She comes over about 5:30. The baby is nice and lined up on my left side. She checks my cervix and reports 3-4 centimeters, 90% effaced, and needing to tilt just a slight bit more. I ask her why the contractions are so strong considering my dilation and space between and she said his head was "right there" at station +1. She encouraged me that my dilation mattered little, my body was being efficient and it would come in time.
My husband and her go to setting up the birthing pool, making the bed, setting up the supplies while I continue to rest between contractions. I had called my sister right after calling the midwife, and she arrives around 7:30am. The kids are up and Nick's fixing breakfast, my sister is helping. I sat in one living room by myself for a while, relaxing on the couch during breaks and standing up for contractions. I ate some breakfast, and then I decided to go sit with the midwife and my sister. Still resting and sitting in between, but with each contraction I got up and walked/danced down the hallway, grabbed a door frame, and danced through the rest with my legs. Immense pressure, I'm even needing to moan some at this point. My mp3 player that I have bugged in my ears is helping.
Contractions are increasing in strength but still far apart, and after expressing my frustration to the midwife, she continues to encourage me that this is fine, my body is being very efficient with each contraction, and I need to take advantage of it and rest in between. So I do. The assistant had arrived not long after my sister, and she and my sister switch off massaging my shoulders between a couple contractions. Around 8:30, "Grandma Chris" gets to the house to help with the kids. I'm getting in the zone, even though contractions are very spaced out. Josiah watches intently as I'm in the hallway dancing through and hanging onto the door frames, trying to get my attention, "Hey Mommy!" A few times he ran up to hug me and kiss my belly. My husband asked Chris to take the kids away from the house for just a couple hours, which I'm thinking is a great idea. Still wanting them to be back for the birth, but I know he realizes that.
After that, I ask my husband to hold me against him while I stand in the hallway, and I break down sobbing - feeling sleep deprived, discouraged, still battling in my mind the timing of the whole thing. He told me he had been praying all morning and felt the Lord was saying, "My power is made perfect in your weakness." I'm leaning into my husband, leaning into the Lord, and trusting His power at work within me.... Letting go, telling myself this is the perfect timing for this birth, just let it happen in its time. I have no idea the time of day from this point on because I'm not referencing the clock anymore.
My midwife says I can get into the pool if I'm ready. The contractions have gotten a little closer. I decide that would be wonderful and relaxing, hoping it doesn't slow things down but at this point not caring too much if it does. The water feels inviting and relaxes me. My sister, husband and I pray and agree that this baby is coming before afternoon naptime because I know with the growing intensity of the contractions I'm wearing down and I'm ready to take a nap!
Contractions continue increasing in intensity but are still spread out, and I experiment with different positions in the pool to help me yield through them, and ways to rest between. I'm doing whatever feels good to me. At one point, the midwife assistant commented on my "froggy" position of floating on my belly and flaring my legs out like a frog. The midwife gives pressure on my back and steady’s my hips as I am in this position and she notices the immense pressure I'm feeling.
I finally feel as though like I'd like to know more clearly of my progress, and I ask the midwife to check me. She does and asks if I'd like to know. I said, "Only if its encouraging." She says, "You're 8 centimeters, is that encouraging?" To which I shout "Woohoo!" and am elated that the end is near. She tells me to just let her know when my water breaks, and I'm praying it does quickly.
I decide to float around a lot during contractions, loving the fact the pool is big enough for me to do this. Stuffy from the cold, I comment once on how much it would help if I could breathe out of my nose with the contractions! My husband gets in the pool with me and helps support my body as I float on my side, I'm feeling very weak and tired. Still having nice breaks between contractions, but the crampy feeling now sticks around so its hard to rest. I comment on how weak I feel, and the midwife encourages me to eat something and offers one of her protein bars. Chocolate almond brownie or something with dates. I say the one with dates, and as a contraction is coming on my husband says, "She only eats brownies with ice cream," and I tell him to "shut up" nicely and then right as I'm peaking he asks if I want him to hold me and I say, "No talking!" as I'm grabbing onto the side of the pool and breathing/vocalizing through.
I take a bite of the protein bar after coming down, and can't finish chewing before the next contraction, so I pull it out of my mouth and throw it on the floor. At this point, I'm vocalizing loudly and I feel like a fish, flopping back and forth and trying to "swim" away from the contraction. My midwife (who has remained very laid back and quiet) gets in my face and says, "Don't run from it Melissa, let go, let it do its job, you're right at the end." Amazing wisdom in this statement! I know this. I tell people this. But knowing it and actually yielding when you are in it are two different things.
So with the next contraction, I stay floating on my side while my husband supports me and I yield. It felt better to give in this time. And shortly after comes another contraction. The intensity is immense and I float to one side and say, "I feel like I need to push!" and as the midwife says, "Trust your body Melissa" I feel all the force of my body pushing mostly involuntarily and the baby's head come out. The midwife wasn't expecting it to go that quickly, and comments that he's still in his bag of waters. I reached down and felt his head - halfway out and in his bag of waters still. Amazing! She comments, "One more contraction and he'll be out and in your arms." So I sit back against my husband, waiting for the next contraction to come, feeling all the incredible sensation of his head already being mostly out.
We waited for a couple minutes but it seemed like an eternity. I actually with the slip of the tongue said, “Can you take him out?” Here it comes... I push with all I have left and feel all of him come out of me, the midwife catches and supports him underwater. He had finally broken out of his bag of waters as he came all the way out! She says, "Reach down and pull your baby up" and so I do. I lift him to my chest, and lean back against my husband. Oh the sense of joy, relief, exhaustion! Welcome baby Justice! Divine Justice! Thank You God for Your strength in my weakness! I get dried off and into my bed to rest, ready to nurse and enjoy my new baby.
Giving birth doesn't fit into a box. I'm blessed my contractions were spread out the entire time so that I could rest and be ready to deliver! One midwife didn't make it in time for the birth, because her last update said the expected delivery time would be closer to dinner time. The kids didn't quite make it back in time either, they arrived about 10 minutes later to the sound of a baby crying. It took us all by surprise! This labor was half the time of my others. And I did it at home! I loved not having to travel during labor. It felt wonderful being in my house with my couches and bathroom and food... I love how I didn't have to be checked to know I was ready to push, my body knew when I was ready. Yes, I had a cold and was seriously sleep deprived, but what a graciously awesome birth! It was peaceful, safe, and oh so blessed.
There can definitely be exceptions with risk levels of pregnancies, but this is what birth is like when we trust that our bodies were perfectly created to carry and bring forth new life. This can be done in a hospital, at home, in a birth center, wherever. I had an amazing hospital birth with my second baby. Although, now that I've had a home birth I can say I'm a believer in it, that's what I prefer, and I wouldn't do it any other way. Birth doesn't have to be scary, it doesn't have to be controlled, it doesn't have to make you feel like you're going to die. Its tremendously intense, but the intensity need not be feared. In fact, fear is the very thing that feeds pain. Birth a natural part of life that follows no set pattern among any two women, or any two births! I feel honored and privileged to be a woman, as we are the vessels God specifically designed to bring forth new life on the earth. Birth is beautiful.
