The Bella Band Betrayal

We take ourselves way too seriously sometimes.  With life going one hundred miles an hour and feeling the weight of being responsible for little human beings.  That's why I really appreciate the moments in life like I'm about to share with you.  This embarrassing moment has been a well-kept secret for a couple years.  But today I woke up and decided to share it because its rainy outside, I need a good laugh, and I think its time to let it out. 

Okay, here goes.  Deep breath.....

You know those "bella bands?"  A 1st-2nd trimester woman's best friend.  Maybe you could wear it farther into your pregnancy, but I didn't discover them until my third time and came out of my jeans fast, even with the band. Those of you who don't know, its a stretchy band that allows you to wear your normal size jeans unzipped all the way down.  It holds your undone pants up.  You just pull your jeans up as high as you can around your hips, cover the unzipped part with the band, and pull your shirt down over.  Voila!  You still can wear your non-maternity jeans!

I felt amazing with this thing on.  I could wear my favorite "Lucky" brand jeans, feel comfortable from the stretchiness around my belly, and feel like I was looking good.  The bella band was my best friend.  Until the day it betrayed me....

I love to dance.  It makes me feel free and alive.  I am part of a church that has an awesome worship/music component and encourages and gives people the freedom to express themselves during worship through dancing, painting, etc.  So most Sundays, I dance during worship.  The only place where there is space enough is in the front.  So its been a good place for me to let go of caring what others think and just dance my heart out for Jesus.  I danced up until the week I went into labor with my last baby!  Dancing is really good for pregnant women.

Anyway, one particular Sunday, I was wearing my beloved bella band.  Felt like I wanted to dance, so I did.  I really went for it. Spinning, jumping, twirling...  And suddenly I felt a draft!  I realized that, not only was my shirt pulled up over my bulging belly, my bella band had slid up with it as well.  There, in front of the church, with my jeans zipped down all the way.  I don't remember what underwear I had on that day; I hope no one else does either.  So I ran to the bathroom and fixed my pants, and laughed by myself, at myself.  I was mortified but humored at the same time. I doubted anyone had seen me.  Most of the time people keep their eyes clothes anyway, right? I convinced myself that the likelihood of someone watching and seeing it happen had to be low.  I very discretely walked out of the bathroom and back to my seat, to find my husband: speechless with a terrified look on his face.  I didn't have to ask if he had seen it.  "I was about to walk up there and grab you!"  He was more uptight about it than I was!  We laughed about it all afternoon.

In the end, the few I asked didn't see it happen. And if anyone did, they didn't tell me.  I will forever remember that day as my most embarrassing pregnant moment, my most embarrassing moment in church, my most embarrassing moment in front of a large group of people, well, pretty much my most embarrassing moment yet.  And I learned a valuable lesson.  If you are going to dance, do not put your trust in a bella band.  It will let you down.

The Silliest Form of Competition

Competition.  We all have struggled with it at one time or another.  But the silliest struggle with competition I've seen is when we compete about who has it the worst.  Can you guess what the majority of the arguments in my marriage have been about in the past few years?  Finances?  Nope, that may be top in the statistics but in our marriage.  Sex?  Well, maybe its a contender, but again, not like statistics say.  We argue about who has the largest burden to bear.  Who does the most work.  Who had the crappiest day.  I'm just being real here.  If we're going to compete about something, we could at least compete about who has it the best and who had the greatest thing happen in a day! 

Why do we do that as humans?  When someone is frustrated with there season in life, why do we wave ours over their head as if ours is worse?  What ever happened to "rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn?"  When you were in the end of your pregnancy and not sleeping at night, did you ever share that with someone just to hear them say, "Well wait until the baby comes out, then you won't sleep at all!"  All of us are in different seasons and situations and we cannot compare ourselves to each other because they are all so different!  I am convinced that EVERY season and situation has its challenges, no matter what it is. Singlehood, married with no kids, pregnancy, having a newborn, having more than one kid, stay at home mom, work at home mom, work away from the home mom, single parent, empty-nesters, grandparents, widows... We have to choose to focus on the good in them, or else we'll be depressed and miserable!  But when someone starts complaining about their season, why not just listen and encourage?

For those who share their hard times with others, maybe sometimes we want someone to feel sorry for us (I've been guilty of that).  But I think a lot of the time, we just want to know that someone else hears us.  We want to know someone else sees us in the battle.  We want be real.  At times we ask for advice, encouragement, hope... but its simply nice to know someone is listening.

What would happen if we started acknowledging each other, and speaking life into each other's situations instead of, "Well at least you don't have blah blah blah."  or "Just wait until bleh bleh bleh."  Hey, I've been on both sides so I'm the first to admit it.  Time to put all assumptions, comparisons, and judgment aside.  This life is really not about us.

"Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others."  Philippians 2:4

Fighting Negativity

As we are on the threshold of moving out of our house for a week to have our floors refinished, I'm fighting negativity.  I look through the living room at the many saws and hammers and air compressor and say to my 20 month old for the hundredth time "Get away from that!"  This is a new year, new season.  And just when I felt I was beginning the groove for the new year, I found out we'd have to be out of our house for a week.  NO!  That slows or pretty much stops my momentum on things!  And I really wanted us to start out the new year this past weekend resting, enjoying each other, making plans for this new season... but we spent it working.  Why am I not rejoicing in the fact that in a couple weeks we will have gorgeous floors?  Because all I can see is work, inconvenience, break in my momentum, uncomfortability, and lots and lots of money being spent.

In my first post I talked about my Type A personality, well I'm also borderline pessimist.  I don't like labels and being put in a box, and I don't think I'm a Debbie Downer, but I think I have the tendency to see the glass half-empty.  Ouch that's hard to admit.  I love optimists, that's why I married one.  It causes a lot of arguments when we see things differently, but we also are helping each other become more balanced as we age.  I've wished myself to be optimist and tried, but it feels so fake!  Those who know me well know that whatever I feel is written all over my face, even if I'm not saying it!  I actually love that down-to-earthness about myself.  I like people to shoot me straight, and I do the same to others (although I don't know if they like it so much).  And so if I'm thinking and feeling negative on the inside, that's what comes out. In the whole nature/nurture argument, I believe that our attitudes/beliefs/behavior is a product of both.  We are all born with tendencies in personality/disposition, and the environment we grow up in also shapes and directs that.  With negativity, I have both of those strikes against me. I didn't ask for this dispositional pull, but I am responsible for what I do about it.

Something I've learned in life:  Someone always has it worse than you.  Someone always has it better than you.  There are negatives in every season and every moment of life, and there are positives too.  My attitude is not so much determined by my circumstances, but by my perspective of my circumstances. 
When we're single we wish we had someone to share life with.
When we're married, we long to go back to our independence.
Before we have kids, we envy those who do.
When we have kids, we envy the flexibility of those who don't.
When we're pregnant, we just want the baby to come out so we can sleep better and the swelling and morning sickness goes away. 
And when the baby is out, we think about how good we had it when we were pregnant and all the baby's needs were met on the inside, and even if we didn't sleep the greatest, at least we weren't being woken up to tend to the baby.
Before our kids learn to talk, we wish they could just talk and tell us what they want. 
After they can talk, we miss the quietness in our lives and want them to just give us 5 minutes to think.
And so on. 

There are two more things I want to say about all this.  First of all, it is okay to get it out.  All of us need people in our life who we can be real with and vent to about whatever.  I have just a couple people who know my heart and I trust will not judge me when I let it all hang out.  One of them is neither married nor a mother, but she can listen and remind me of the truth when I'm too distracted to see it.  And she can help me navigate through the junk.  And if there is anyone who I don't have to have it all together around its the Lord.  He already knows what's going on in my head anyway, nothing that comes out of my mouth surprises Him!  Nothing I say will change His view of me. I'm free to just let it go with Him. And He is indeed the one who gives me the deep down joy and love and ability to overcome this thing I hate.

Secondly, this is a fight I am winning and will continue to fight.  I used to be so negative (and very openly).  Especially the beginning of my marriage.  Its hard for those who don't have natural tendencies towards negativity to understand, but looking on the "bright side of things" does not come naturally or easy for me.  I have to work at it.  Those who've known me a long time know I've come a long way.  I want to keep changing.  I hate negativity.  I don't enjoy being around people who are always complaining about things. And I know people don't enjoy being around me when I'm like that.  Just ask my husband!

Some weeks I do better than others. Cold weather brings out the worst in me, so its been hard lately.  And when I'm feeling negative I've learned to bite my tongue. I'm reminded that every time I open my mouth, one of two things comes out - life or death.  Our words have the power to encourage those around us, and they also have the power to tear people down. Words have the power to change the countenance of others, even the course of their day.  I've seen this happen time and time again especially with my children, and my husband. 



Its a continual choice.  And though it is hard right now I'm choosing to watch my mouth and get my perspective into check!