When Babies Cry....

There is nothing like hearing a baby cry that makes a momma want to bulldoze everything in her path to get to and help her baby before her heart breaks in pieces.  Its in our nature to be unnerved when we hear babies cry, whether she belongs to us or someone else.  We're that way because as women we are nurturers.  We are comforters.  We are peacemakers.  I remember the first time we heard our first baby cry.  Every hour the first night.  We were so sleep deprived and I was exhausted from labor.  I thought it was a cat in the room.  "mmmrrrraaaaawwwwaaa"  I don't think I could mimic the sound, but our little newborn sounded just like a cat in distress!  And what a wonderful feeling I had when I picked him up and spoke softly, "Mommy's here.  Its okay."  And he was quiet in an instant.  He knew my voice from being with me from the inside for 9 months.  He trusted me.  And I discovered what a wonderful gift I had in breasts that nourish, sooth, and comfort a baby!  Nothing can describe the feeling of knowing I could bring instant calmness by cuddling him to my chest and offering what naturally flowed out of me.

But as he grew, the times he cried and wouldn't be comforted.  Oh I almost came unglued every time. "He's crying!  He's going to die!  He's going to go to a therapist when he's 20 and tell her his mother made him feel abandoned!"  The times where he was done nursing and didn't want to latch back on.  And then he wouldn't go to sleep.  And his diaper change didn't change his demeanor.  And he wasn't in pain as far as I knew.  "What's wrong baby?  What am I doing wrong?"  By baby number 3, I realized I really wasn't doing anything wrong. If you are listening and responding to your baby's needs (even though you don't get it right every time), there is no way you can be doing wrong.  I think babies cry to communicate their needs.  And I also think babies just cry.  Some more than others.  And as a mother, I needed to evaluate the reason he was crying and respond accordingly.  But, not be so fearful of a crying baby!  And not freak out and think that his crying was a reflection or judgement on my ability to be a mother.  Bam.  How many of us think that?


Please note:  I understand there are situations where fussy babies have long periods of crying because of physical issues such as reflux, colic, etc.   That cry is definitely distinct and you can tell the baby is in pain.  Those are definitely problems that need to be address by a professional.

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone... I was listening to the radio recently when this song came on.  Though I'd heard the song before, it immediately, it made me think of a time in my past.  Tiny babies are so precious and sweet, and innocent. Full of new life, untainted by the issues of the world.  Who would think that a mother could wind up depressed after having one?  I never thought it could happen, especially not to me. But it did.  Its hard to remember much from that dark period of my life, but I know it was a slow fall.  It took my husband and a dear friend to recognize it in me, and reach me in the middle of my "sleep."  Like the song, I was really "gone."  I was physically present at home, but not emotionally and mentally.  My process of healing was just that - a process.  I plan in my next few blog posts to tell my story.  There are those who have experienced depression, and there are those who know others experiencing it.  Its my hope that if you're going through this, you will find comfort and courage as I recall my experience and what I've learned. If you haven't experienced it but you know someone going through this, you will gain more insight in how to help.  And, if you're pregnant and concerned about this, there are some things that can help in preventing.  I was told it gets worse with subsequent pregnancies.  I had to be very proactive and intentional and it was a fight, but I'm happy to say I did not suffer from it after my third birth.  Its good for me to get it out too, I haven't talked about it much but now its time. Here goes....